


Insult

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 07:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19043974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By Briar.Oh! Oh! Ares is in the doghouse now. One little joke that was supposed to help Xena's bad mood backfires. Open mouth, insert foot.





	Insult

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. If you have questions, you may contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> _This story was originally written by beloved fandom member, Briar. Tragically, Briar passed away several years prior to the archive's closing. As the archive had permission to house Briar's works prior to their passing, we place this fic here in memorial and memory, and to share their work with the world. Briar, you are missed._
> 
> **Here are Briar's original Disclaimers and Notes:**  
>  Disclaimer:I own no rights whatsoever to any characters from Xena:Warrior Princess, I am only borrowing them for the length of this story. This story is for the amusement and entertainment of my friends in the Ares and Xena Shippers club. I promise to return the characters intact when I am finished with them.I am making no money from this story.   
> Sex: No, only allusions.   
> Violence: A brief description of a battle .

As she had been preparing for bed, Ares had been admiring Xena's figure. But then he made a serious mistake. She had been cranky as a broody hen all day.  Hoping to lighten the mood, he asked her if maybe she had put on a little weight around her hips.  He had only been kidding, but she had taken it as a mortal insult.  She was no longer speaking to him.  'Open mouth, insert foot.' he thought to himself grimly.  She was treating him with an icy disdain.  When he had tried to get into bed with her, she had handed him his pillow and a blanket, and pointed silently at the diven.  Now the divan might have been reasonably comfortable for Xena, but Ares was somewhat taller.  There was no possible position he could take that would be really comfortable.  He wound up on his back, with his heels hanging over the other end of the divan. 

He had finally gotten to sleep, but it hadn't lasted too long.   He awoke with one leg doubled up tightly to his body.  The cramp was horrible.  He really couldn't believe it, who knew that Gods could get charlie horses?  He'd heard of them, but  he'd never had one before in his life.   He finally rubbed the cramp out, and tried to go back to sleep.  Then his feet went to sleep.  They had this awful tingly feeling in them, and when he tried to stand, he almost fell.  They didn't want to hold him up.  This was insupportable.  Gods did not have mortal failings.  By this time he too was getting angry.  He marched up to the bed, and woke Xena. "I'm sending you home, you can sleep in your own bed."  He snapped his fingers angrily, and she disappeared.  He then collected his pillow and blanket and crawled into bed.  It felt incredibly cold and lonely. 

Xena had been having the same feeling, she hadn't really been sleeping when Ares sent her home.  She had been laying there regretting her outburst of earlier.  He hadn't really done anything, she realized after she had time to think about it.  She finally realized that he had been teasing, and she had over reacted.  She should have come back with some wise-ass comment of her own. That's what she would ordinarily have done.  He had sounded really angry as he sent her home.   Well...he'd get over it.  She finally went to sleep, but it wasn't a restful one. 

Several days went by without any contact whatsoever.  The children started asking questions.  "Where's Ares, when's he going to come play with us?"   
  
She made no reply at first, but then said that he must be busy right now.  "You know that he has an important job to do.  Sometimes he gets busy and forgets about other matters until things quiet down."  This too had worked for a while, but not for long.   
  
"I want Ares!"  Jeb screamed one day.  He was tired of girl things, he wanted to talk to a guy.  Joxer was unavailable, he had been sent to deliver some packages to a customer. 

This customer really liked cheese, and they always ordered extra when they got their own supplies.  She would order a quarter of a cheese at a time, and would eat the whole thing within a matter of days.  They often wondered at the condition of her bowels,  cheese is very constipating. 

Jeb had promptly sat down and started crying.  Eve tried to comfort him, but nothing worked.  Finally she asked. "Then why don't you call him, don't just sit and cry about it."   
  
He thought about that for a moment, then the sobs died to whimpers, and finally to silence.  Eve was right.  He dried his eyes, he didn't want Ares to think he was a sissy, then called quietly.  "Ares?"   
  
His call was promptly answered by the towering dark figure of the God of War.  "What seems to be the problem here?" he asked quietly.  He could see the red eyes, and the dried tracks of tears, but knew enough to ignore them.  Little boys liked to appear tough, and he didn't want to embarrass the child.  He knelt at his side, and was promptly assaulted by two little bodies.   
  
"We missed you!" both replied at once.  Four arms were entwined about his neck, he received wet sloppy kisses on both cheeks, and was generally inundated with attention. 

He hadn't been aware of how much he missed these two.  He had been in the habit of visiting them for at least a brief while almost every day.  He hadn't been to call for almost a week.  This just would not do.  He and Xena would have to settle their differences.  A small matter of a difference of opinion couldn't be allowed to affect the lives of these precious children.  He stayed with them for quite a long time, and finally left, with the promise that he wouldn't wait so long in future. 

That evening he arrived in time for supper, ate with the family, and went up with Xena when she took the children up to bed.  After they were settled, he hold her. "Xena, we need to talk."   
  
She quickly agreed.  She had missed him terribly.  They had gone to her room, and sat side by side on the bed.  "I apologize for my comment the other night, I was only teasing, hoping to lift you out of that mood you were in."   
  
"I too apologize, there was no possible reason for me to take such strong exception to your comment.  I don't know what came over me."  He wrapped his arms about her, and held her close.  "You have no idea how much I have missed you." he murmured softly into her ear.   
  
She smiled up at him with teary eyes and said . "No more than I've missed you."   
  
He grinned, and said. "No, I'm sure I missed you the most."   
  
Her tears were quickly forgotten and, grinning, she pushed him back on the bed saying  "I assure you that I missed you more than you ever could have missed me!" 

  He was also grinning from ear to ear by this time. They carried on their battle for some time, each  insisting on the superiority of their feelings with kisses and more than kisses.  Things soon got completely carried away, and he transported them back to his huge canopied bed.  Here they would have more room for their forays into enemy territory.  The war continued for hours, each making attacks on enemy positions, each returning the attacks eagerly.  Finally Xena was exhausted.  He grinned down at her and asked. "Truce?"   
  
And she replied "Truce....but I won." He began to laugh uprourously. Leave it to Xena, she did have him on the defensive a few times, but he had enjoyed every moment of it.  She then continued "You were teasing about the weight?"   
  
He grinned and nodded.  It was good to have her back.


End file.
